


I've Got A Song

by WeWillSpockYou



Category: Chris Pine - Fandom, Karl Urban - Fandom, McKirk - Fandom, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Insomnia, M/M, Roommates, Sing To Me Bones, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-06 22:38:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3150896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeWillSpockYou/pseuds/WeWillSpockYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim's having trouble sleeping and asks Bones to sing to him.</p><p>This is a multi-chapter fic that will update on Saturdays and conclude on Valentine's Day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redford](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redford/gifts).



[](http://postimage.org/)   
[](http://postimage.org/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This amazing story cover is courtesy of Corrie71. Thank you so much for making this cover for me. It is perfect for this story!


	2. Chapter 2

Jim rolled onto his stomach from his back. He punched his pillow several times and was just starting to get comfortable when Bones’ voice drifted up out of the dark.

“Jesus Christ, Jim it’s 2 A.M. What in hell is wrong with you?”

“Can’t sleep.” Jim whined, his voice muffled by the pillow. Ordinarily, Jim slept like a rock. He wasn’t used to tossing and turning unless he was beneath someone else.

“Ya ever try warm milk?”

Jim grimaced, thankful Bones’ couldn’t see the look of disgust on his face. “Why, is that supposed to help me fall asleep?”

“It has tryptophan in it, just like Thanksgiving turkey. One glass and you’ll drop right off to sleep.” _Then maybe I can get some sleep too, instead of listening to you roll around in bed alone when you should be rolling around with-_

“What the hell, we got any milk, Bones?” Jim was skeptical, but Bones was a doctor, he must know what he’s talking about, right? Besides, Jim never failed to fall asleep on Thanksgiving afternoon with his belly full of turkey. “What have I got to lose?”

As it turned out, the contents of his stomach. Jim watched patiently as Bones stirred the pot with the warming milk and even added a dash of cinnamon. Jim took the warm glass from Bones when it was offered and took a big mouthful, which he promptly spat back into the sink. “Fuck, Bones, if I didn’t know better I’d think you were trying to kill me.” Jim turned on the faucet and grabbed for the sink hose.

Bones laughed as Jim hosed out his mouth and dry heaved several times into the sink. “Then I’d have the single room I was supposed to have before you claimed half of my dorm as yours.” _Not to mention claiming half of my tee shirts, half of my bourbon, half of my heart, wait, what?_

Jim grabbed a dish towel and started to dry himself off. “Face it Bones, our living together was a stroke of genius.”

“It was a stroke all right.” Bones grumped as he rubbed a fist against the tick in his left eye.

“Now what?” Jim whined. “Not only am I still wide awake, I have a tummy ache to boot.”

Bones rolled his eyes. _God save me from the blue-eyed menace._ “Hop into bed and I’ll tell you a story.”

Jim had pulled the covers up half way before he remembered the story Bones told a few weeks back about the Androian with half his head ripped off and the way that its brains were- “No thanks, Bones. Your stories are the stuff nightmares are made of. What else you got?”

“How about a nice cup of chamomile tea? Supposed to calm your nerves and help you relax.”

“Not really into that earth crunchy bullshit, Bones and well, the last thing you gave me to drink didn’t work out so well for me.”

Bones tried to stave off another fit of the giggles as his mind’s eye played back Jim hosing out his mouth and gagging over the sink. _Not to mention the way Jim’s flannel sleep pants hugged the curve of his ass as he bent over the sink…_

“Have you tried counting sheep?”

It was Jim’s turn to roll his eyes, “DUH, Bones, I’m allergic to sheep.”

 _Jesus Christ in a hayloft, was there anything this kid WASN’T allergic too?_ “You’re not gonna break out in hives from counting them in your mind.”

“Says you. Let’s not take any chances.”

“How about counting stars? When Jim turned his head and gave Bones a curious look, he called out. “Computer, Star Field program, Savannah, Georgia, quarter moon, summer stars.”

 The computer beeped and seconds later the room darkened as the stars played on the walls and ceiling of their bedroom.

“This is nice, Bones.” Jim slid his arms behind his head and stared up at the Georgian stars. “This is home for you, huh?”

“Sometimes I turn this on whenever I’m feeling homesick.” _Like every day since I’ve been here, when you’re at class or out with your latest conquest._

“It’s nice, but maybe I’ll sleep better if you…” Jim took a deep breath and tried to get comfortable.

“If I what, Jim?” _Climb into bed with you, pull you against my chest, hold you tight while I rub your back, feel you fall asleep in my arms?_

Jim trusted Bones with his life. That being said, it was still hard to talk about himself and his life before Starfleet, before that shuttle ride that took him from his nowhere home town and gave him a glimpse of his future. “Sing to me, Bones.” He said softly. 

 _Sing to him?_ “Are you outta your corn fed mind? I warble worse than a tomcat on the prowl.”

“I’ve heard you sing in the shower, Bones. You’re great and besides, no one’s ever sung me a lullaby before.

 _Fuuuuck, he knows just what to say to tug on my heart strings, plus he’s starin’ at me with those amazing eyes that are glowing with blue fire even by fake starlight._ Bones gave up the fight and sat on the edge of Jim’s bed. It was impossible for him to say no Jim under the best of circumstances and he wasn’t about to start now. Bones cleared his throat and started to sing.

**Well, when my blue moon turns to gold again  
When my rainbow turns the clouds away**

_Yeah, like I’ll ever see a rainbow again, feels like everyday gets cloudier._ Bones took a deep breath and kept singing.

  
 **Well, when my blue moon turns to gold again**  
 **You'll be back within my arms to stay**

_In my arms, Jim Kirk in my arms to stay…_

**When the memories that linger into my heart  
Memories that make my heart go cold**

Bones shivered and wrapped his arms tightly around himself, remembering the pain of being lied to and cheated on. He looked at the way the light caught the gold in Jim’s hair and felt himself start to warm. Come to think of it, every day wasn’t getting cloudier at all, not with the ever-present sunshine that was Jim Kirk in his life.

**However some day they gonna live again sweetheart  
And my blue moon again will turn to gold**

It struck Bones that in his capacity as medical officer aboard a Federation starship his uniform would be blue, while Jim’s uniform would be command gold. He took a deep breath and started to sing the second chorus, noticing his completely annoying, blue-eyed, golden boy had fallen asleep. He brushed a quick kiss across Jim’s temple and made his way back to his own bunk.

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNSe4LHVZJw>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was inspired by the lovely redford WAY back in November. She asked me if I would consider writing something that involved Bones singing Jim to sleep. I was completely enchanted by this idea and started working on it right away. I was telling Corrie71 about it one night and asking for her help with a song for Bones to sing. As you can see, Bones likes the oldies and soon I had a stack of song choices. I couldn’t decide which one I wanted. Cue Corrie71 and her never-ending love for the 5+1. I loved this idea because it meant I could use more than one song. Then the idea struck me to make each of the sections an entire chapter. 
> 
> The title of this story, I’ve Got A Song is a line from Jim Croce’s song called I’ve Got A Name. I love his music so much. When I was trying to come up with a name for this story, all of a sudden I could hear this song playing in my head. It is such a Bones thing to do…he’s subtle like that when he talks to me. Jim on the other hand, or James Tiberius Blabbermouth as we have come to call him just kind of yells things at me, thinking volume is the key to getting my attention.
> 
> Originally, this chapter came to be without hearing Bones’ thoughts. Bones started talking to me when I was re-reading it doing edits. You’re going to hear from Bones all through this story. He didn’t like the idea of just slapping song lyrics into the story without you being able to see why he chose this song and what he was thinking as he sang to his Jim.
> 
> The song we used, When My Blue Moon Turns To Gold Again, was sung by Elvis Presley in the 1950’s. I love Elvis, but what struck me about this song was its use of blue and gold. Bones is medical blue and Jim is command gold, plus having the moon in a lullaby was just perfect. Bones could not have picked a more perfect song to illustrate his past heartbreak and how he is on the road back to himself, thanks to a certain blue-eyed menace. 
> 
> The link is to a YouTube video of Elvis singing this song. Be aware there are screaming girls making it hard to hear at some points. This is one of those imfamous television appearances from the 1950’s when the network refused to shoot below Elvis’ mid-chest! I imagine Bones singing this song low and bluesy, minus the Do-Wop and screaming girls!
> 
> Many, many happy hours were spent with Corrie, listening to songs and brainstorming. Thank you so much for all you do for me!!
> 
> I am so excited to share this with you!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the eve of finals and Jim can't sleep again. He asks Bones to sing to him for a second time.

It had been an odd three weeks for Bones. He kept waiting for Jim to say something –wiseass or otherwise- about the night he’d sung Jim to sleep, but Jim, so far, had not said one word. Bones had spent the rest of that night wondering if his lullaby would shift things between them from best friends and roommates to…what?  _You think he’s gonna stop fuckin’ around and declare his undying love for you? You’re outta your peach-bred mind, McCoy._

Fortunately, it was the eve of finals week which didn’t leave Bones a lot of time to dwell on or fantasize about Jim Kirk, resident blue-eyed menace. 

“Tell me about your father, Bones.” Jim asked out of the blue as he started getting ready for bed after studying into the early morning hours.

 _My father? Oh Jimmy…_  “My father was a doctor, all work and no play. He made an effort to change that with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“He worked long hours at the hospital; working not only his shift in the ER but spending hours in the research lab. He was barely home. Some nights he’d sleep at the hospital. When my mother found out she was pregnant with me she gave him a choice, to be a part of our lives or to leave and she’d raise me on her own.”

“A choice? An ultimatum, you mean?” Jim looked dubious.

“Semantics aside, he had a choice to make and he chose me and my mother.”

“A choice…” Jim said dreamily.

 _Fuuuuuck._ Bones wanted to reach out to Jim. Wanted to put a hand on his shoulder to comfort, to show he was here no matter what. “He chose you and your mother too, Jim.”

Jim flinched at Bones’ words, at how close to home they’d hit. How did Bones know he’d been wondering what George would have done?  “He did what any starship captain would have done. He sacrificed himself to save his crew.”

There was no arguing with Jim’s point. Bones sighed and tried another tactic. “What if he’d gotten on the shuttle with you and your mother? What if he’d abandoned ship with other crew members still on board?”

Jim sighed and looked up a Bones with a haunted look in his eyes. “I’ve been over this a million times in my head. What would have happened if he’d come with us instead of dying on the Kelvin? Instead of being bullied for being the “Kelvin baby.” Jim made quote marks with his fingers. “I would have been bullied for being the son of a coward.”

Bones’ heart broke for his friend. He had never considered how hard life must have been for Jim. Not only had Jim had to grow up without his father, he also had grown up playing the “what if” game. He walked to Jim and sat next to him on Jim’s narrow dorm bed, resting a hand on Jim’s shoulder.

Jim moved closer to Bones. He could feel the heat of Bones’ body radiating off of him. He wanted to be closer to that heat, wanted to be closer to Bones if he was being honest with himself. He was having a hard enough time sharing his personal truths about his father with Bones, wanting to be closer to his best friend would have to wait for another time.  “I used to wonder what it would be like if he’d been just plain old George Kirk.”

Bones felt his heart beat faster as Jim moved closer to him. He wanted to reach out and put an arm around Jim and pull him closer still.  _What’s the worst that could happen? A punch in the face? Getting pushed away? Getting pulled closer?_  Bones slung an arm around Jim. “He never would have been ‘plain old George Kirk.’ He would have been your hero, your best friend. There’s nothing plain or old about that, Jim.”

Jim moved in closer to Bones, laying his head on his shoulder. He smiled against Bones when he felt Bones pull him closer into his own body. Jim slung his right arm around Bones’ lower back and thought he felt his friend shiver. “Yeah, maybe. Tell me what your Dad did to spend time with you?”

 _He’s so warm against me…and his head on my shoulder. His hair is so soft against the side of my neck. We fit together perfectly. Oh god, we fit together like two puzzle pieces. Not like me and Joce where I needed a hammer to make the pieces fit. We fit. He fits me._ “We played basketball together. It was the only sport he was ever any good at, so we played. He made sure he made it to every one of my games, well, except for the times he was in surgery.”

Jim huffed out a breath. “Was he proud of you?”

 _This question is the path to wreck and ruin. I just want five more minutes to hold him like this. Just five more minutes with his warm weight in my arms, with the smell of pine scented shampoo in my nose, with his fingers rubbing small circles against my back. Just five more minutes…_ “Yeah Jim, he was proud of me. It was the last thing he said to me before he passed.”

“I’ve never had anyone to be proud of me.” His voice was small.

“I’m proud of you, Jim.”  He was, he truly was proud of all Jim had accomplished not just academically, but in managing to befriend and getting to know a miserable southern doctor.

“You’re just saying that to be polite. You and those famous Southern manners.”

“Bullshit, Jim.”

Jim huffed out a laugh, his breath hot against Bones’ skin.

“We’re on the eve of finals, you’ve taken enough classes this semester to qualify you as a second year cadet. The way that you’ve taken the first year’s under your wing in your hand-to-hand class, you’re a mentor to those kids. Not to mention the fact that you’ve managed to put up with living with a cantankerous country doctor for almost a year. I’d say there’s a lot to be proud of, Jim.”

Jim thought about what Bones had said to him. He knew his academic achievements could be considered praiseworthy, but he was just doing what was right with those kids in his combat class. They needed the skills to protect themselves and their fellow crewmembers and he had just been helping them out. But Bones… he’d never thought twice about their friendship. It was just one of those constants in his life that he counted on like his next breath. He pressed a quick kiss against the side of Bones’ neck. “Sing to me, Bones.”

He hadn’t said a word about it for weeks, now he was asking for another song. Bones had gotten his wish of five more minutes to hold Jim, the least he could do was give something back to Jim. “Sure, kid.” He took a chance and brushed a return kiss against the sunshine in Jim’s hair.  _So soft against my lips. I could be happy with just that feeling of him for the rest of my life._ “Under the covers with you.” Bones joked. His breath caught in his throat as Jim hauled his tee over his head. He was so intent at staring at Jim’s creamy skin that Jim’s thrown shirt hit him in the face.

Jim laughed at Bones exasperated look and called up the Star Field program on the computer, this time asking it to display the winter sky over Riverside, Iowa. He pulled up the covers and rolled to his side watching Bones as he sat on the side of his own bunk.

Jim’s eyes were twinkling in the fake starlight. Bones took a deep breath and started to sing.

**Old man sunshine, listen you**  
 **Never tell me dreams come true**  
 **Just try it, and I'll start a riot**

  _It was almost too much holding Jim close and feeling his lips against my skin._

**Beatrice Fairfax don't you dare**  
 **Ever tell me he will care**  
 **I'm certain, it's the final curtain**

_He just needed comfort tonight. Just needed someone to hold him close and soothe his fears. He doesn’t need me, I was just here._

**I never want to hear from any cheerful Pollyannas**  
 **Who tells you fate supplies a mate**  
 **It's all bananas**

_Fuckin’ bananas is right. Look how fate fucked me over the first time._

**They're writing songs of love, but not for me  
A lucky star's above, but not for me**

_Not for me… Jim’s a lucky star, maybe for him, but not for me._

**With love to lead the way I've found more skies of gray  
Than any Russian play, could guarantee**

_Got more shades of grey than a paint store…But paint stores also carry all the colors of the rainbow and sunshine. Jim’s always been my sunshine in a world of grey._

**I was a fool to fall, and get that way  
Hi ho alas and also lackaday**

_I was doomed to fall from the moment his eyes met mine. Even half-drunk I could see how special he was._

**Although I can't dismiss  
The memory of his kiss**

_He kissed me. Jim Kirk kissed me…_

**I guess he's not for me**  
 **Although I can't dismiss**  
 **The memory of his kiss**

  _If I live to be a thousand. If they freeze me then thaw me out again I’ll NEVER forget what his warm lips felt like against my skin. Jim…_

**I guess he's not for me**

_What if he could be?_

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X03uSwM07_A>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The version of But Not For Me I used was sung by Judy Garland, yes, that Judy Garland, the one who played Dorothy Gale in the Wizard of Oz. I picked this version because it breaks my heart. And I don’t just mean puts a little crack in it, I mean whacked repeatedly with a sledge hammer. The idea of Bones singing this song to Jim and not being able to get the memory of Jim’s kiss out his head just kills me. Plus the fact that it was just a brush of Jim’s lips against his neck, but Bones is still over the moon none the less. The link to the song is at the end of this chapter.
> 
> Bones and I are continuing our walk through the oldies here and notice this song is talking about sunshine and lucky stars. This song was the first song that Corrie71 suggested for Bones and it is simply perfect.
> 
> Do you think Jim dreamed of he and his father playing basketball together? Or did he dream about the way Bones’ skin felt under his lips?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Bones hit the Purple Squirrel to celebrate the end of finals weeks and one of them ends up bloody.

The Purple Squirrel was packed. Now that finals were over, it seemed every cadet at the Academy was looking to blow off some steam and relax. Jim and Bones were no exception. Bones was sitting on his usual perch at the far end of the bar, while Jim was bounced around the dance floor with every partner who asked him to dance.

Bones was content to sit and sip his expensive bourbon. He knew he’d aced every exam he’d taken. There wasn’t a test man could make that Leonard Horatio McCoy couldn’t ace.  Point in fact was the test in patience James Tiberius Happy Pants was currently proctoring as he wiggled and shimmied his perfect ass on the dance floor.  Bones’ patience was tested each time someone new touched his Jim.  _My Jim? He’s not my Jim. He’s too bright, too full of sunshine for the likes of me._

“Excuse me handsome. Was your father a thief?”

_Jesus Christ speed dating, are you kidding me? If there’s a worse pick up line in the galaxy I’m fucked if I can name it._  “Ah, no.” He rolled his eyes.

“He must have been because he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes.” The stranger slung his arm around Bones’ shoulders. “Mark Sullivan, friends call me Sully, lovers call me incredible.”

Bones shrugged the man’s arm off his shoulder. “Leo McCoy.” he mumbled, rolling his eyes again as he spotted Jim dancing with yet another cadet. Under ordinary circumstance he would have found Mark attractive if a little handsy. He was taller than either he or Jim and had short dark hair with matching dark eyes.

“Buy you a drink, Leo?” Mark ran a finger down the side of Bones’ face.

_Sure, in another lifetime, one that doesn’t include a blue-eyed menace named Jim. My Jim._  “No thanks, I’m here with someone.”

“What that fair-haired fairy boy” He inclined his head toward Jim over his shoulder. “Boy’s pretty, but he’s shaking his ass for everyone in the room but you.”

Bones felt his gut tighten as Mark moved closer, placing one arm around his shoulder and his other hand high up on Bones’ thigh. “Come home with me, handsome, spend the night with a real man, not a boy.”

_Real man? Ten of you couldn’t hold a candle to one Jim Kirk._ “No thanks.” He tried to pull back away from Mark’s unwelcome touch. The hand on his thigh held on tighter.

“The fuck’s wrong with you. I don’t make this offer to just anyone. I have standards and I chose you.”

“Well he didn’t choose you,  _friend.”_  Jim sneered.

_Fuuuuck, of all the times for Jim to notice me it has to be now. Comes in riding his white horse to save my bacon. Don’t need him rescuing me…does he want to rescue me or does he think he has to? Can’t say that I’m not a little flattered._

“Stay out of this, twinkle toes, this is between me and Leo.” Mark reached a hand out to push Jim back.

“It became my business the moment you touched him after he told you he wasn’t interested.” Jim grabbed Mark’s arm to push it off his chest.

_Nope, he wants to rescue me! I can’t believe it, he’s jealous. Jim Kirk is jealous of this caveman in dress shoes hitting on me. There’s nothing hotter than a jealous Jim Kirk, unless it’s a naked and needy Jim Kirk…_

“He isn’t interested, walk away now, while you still can walk.” Jim’s voice was low and cold.

_Fuck me, two men fighting over me and one of them is Jim. If only Jim was fighting for me…_ “Jimmm.” Bones warned. “Let’s go, now.”  _Like that has a snowball’s chance in hell of getting him out of here. Fuck me._ Bones could see the glitter in Jim’s eyes, the glitter that said it was on. Unfortunately for Bones that meant Jim would have a date later with his overworked dermal regen.

“OH really, bitch?” Mark shoved hard against Jim. His face registering surprise that he hadn’t moved Jim back and then at the fist that was flying toward his face.

Jim felt the shock of his punch vibrate up his arm. He barely had time to recover before Mark’s fist was smashing against his face. He flew back and collided with the bar and some fellow cadets before landing on the floor.

Bones saw the sadistic delight light in Mark’s eyes when he saw Jim’s lip was bleeding.  _Screw this, it’s time to go home._  He saw Mark advancing toward Jim and did the only thing he could think to do, he grabbed Mark’s arm and when the man swung around to look at him, he planted his fist in Mark’s smug face. He landed on the floor near where Jim lay. Bones yanked Jim off the floor and hustled them both to the door, shaking out his fingers as he walked.

“Fuck, Bones, didn’t know you had that kind of skill.” Jim giggled as Bones dragged him away from the bar.

“Legendary hands, remember. Let’s go home, you’re still bleeding.” Bones slung an arm around Jim’s shoulders as they started walking down the street.

 

 

“Why didn’t you hook up with him?” Jim asked quietly as he sat on his dorm bed while Bones dabbed at the blood on his lower lip.

If Bones didn’t know better, he’d think Jim was pouting.  _Take a look in the mirror kid, that’s why. Big, dumb Neanderthal isn’t good enough to shine your shoes._ “He wasn’t my type.” Which was true enough. Once Mark started pouring on the dominant, ‘I’m doing you a favor just by talking to you’ bullshit, he had been instantly turned off. Which wasn’t to say he wouldn’t mind being pinned down by a dominant Jim. His hands held high over his head in one of Jim’s as Jim used his free hand to roughly jack them both off. Bones shuddered at the thought.

“What is your type?” Jim batted Bones’ hand away as he went to attach the dermal regen to Jim’s wrecked lip.

_YOU…_ “Lay back let me help you.” Bones pushed at Jim’s shoulder and got him to lie back on his bed. He waited until Jim got comfortable with his arms pillowing his head then attached the dermal regen, his fingers sizzling with the contact they made against Jim’s plush bottom lip.

Jim called out for the Star Field program to activate. He knew Bones was finished with his face and he was hoping the dark might encourage his friend to open up. He asked for the program to display the constellations of Orion. The room darkened considerably, casting Bones’ features in shadow. “Waiting for an answer, Bones.” Jim said softly.

“What was the question again?” He knew damn well what the question was, he just needed more time to formulate his answer.

“What’s your type?” Jim asked seriously.

“Kind. I’m attracted to kindness in others. People who go out of their way to do something nice for someone else.”  _Like the time you brought back chicken soup from my favorite Chinese place when I was sick. You went across town in the pouring rain and brought back my favorite dim sum too._

“What else?” Jim encouraged. He admired kindness in others too. He thought about all of the times like tonight when Bones had patched him up after a fight; healed him, made him whole again.

“I like thoughtfulness.”  _Like all those times you drop dinner off for me when I’m working late at the hospital and you know I won’t take time out to eat._

Jim smiled at his roommate. Bones was always thoughtful. No one had ever treated him like that before; making delicious meals for them to share, always picking holo-vids he would like rather than boring historical films he knew Bones favored. “Blondes, brunettes, redheads?”

_YOU…_  Bones smiled up at Jim, loving the way the starlight danced across his skin. “Always been partial to blondes.”

“Not me, always loved dark hair.”

_What if he means me? He can’t…He doesn’t, does he?_ Bones was so lost in his own thoughts he missed Jim’s next question. “Say again, Jim.”

“What else Bones? Lots of people are kind and thoughtful. What turns you on, Bones? What’s sexy to you?” If Jim thought it was odd to be asking his best friend these questions, it didn’t show. He found that he wanted to know the answers and wondered a little if he could put a checkmark in the yes column of traits he possessed. He knew he was kind and thoughtful when it came to Bones. He was blonde too, but what else did Bones need?

_You…that’s what I find sexy. You…that’s what turns me on and on and on. The way your tongue pokes out when you’re reading or the way you sigh in your sleep, your messy morning bed head… I’m so fucked here._  “People with a great sense of humor, you know someone who laughs when you say something funny instead of rolling their eyes and pretending you’re an idiot.”

Jim knew he could put a check mark under yes for that one. Bones was the funniest person he’d ever known. “And?” Jim encouraged.

“I love smart guys.” Bones arched an eyebrow at Jim’s huge grin. “I said smart guys, not smartass guys, Jim.”

“Same difference, what else?”

_I can’t tell him the rest, he seems interested in what I’m saying, but that’s just Jim being Jim, always gathering intelligence for a rainy day…Maybe it won’t hurt to tell him about tonight._ “You stood up for me tonight, Jim. I mean, we both know I could have handled myself with that asshole, but you stood up for me, protected me, made me feel…” Bones trailed off, thinking he’d said too much.

“Made you feel what, Bones?” Jim’s voice was barely above a whisper.

_Loved, wanted, cherished…_ “Safe. You made me feel safe.”

Jim nodded and hauled his shirt over his head. He threw it at Bones who caught it and headed for the hamper, depositing his own shirt as well. “Sing to me, Bones?”

The first time Jim asked Bones to sing to him, Bones knew he genuinely could not sleep and had been casting around for something, anything that would put him to sleep. Jim wasn’t having trouble sleeping now. Bones figured now Jim wanted a lullaby when he needed to be comforted. Or maybe… _Maybe Jim is asking me to sing tonight because he knows I need to be comforted?_  He shucked out of his jeans and into a pair of old sweats. He sat down on the side of his bed and pondered which song he wanted to sing, finally settling on something that perfectly conveyed everything he felt about his annoying roommate if only Jim were aware enough to hear the emotions behind the lyrics. Bones opened his mouth to sing but was interrupted by Jim.

“Not from over there, Bones. Come sit with me, so I can hear better.” Jim scooted over and patted the mattress next to him, flipping back the covers in welcome.

_What’s that mean, hear me better? I’m three feet away, kid and I know your hearing is perfect. Maybe he just wants someone to be near him. Maybe he wants ME near him._ Bones walked to Jim’s bed and sat on the edge. He saw Jim reach for him in the starlight and Bones grabbed his hand, sighing as Jim threaded their fingers together and tugged him closer. Bones swung his legs onto the bed and settled back next to Jim, his heart pounding like a jackhammer in his chest. He stared to sing.

**I stand at your gate and the song that I sing is of moonlight  
** **I stand and I wait for the touch of your hand in the June night**

_We’re holding hands, I can’t believe Jim reached out for my hand. What am I going to do when he falls asleep? I don’t want to let him go. I never want this song to end._ **  
**

**The roses are sighing a Moonlight Serenade  
** **The stars are aglow and tonight how their light sets me dreaming**

_Jim, my Jim…_   
  
**My love, do you know that your eyes are like stars brightly beaming?**   
**I bring you and I sing you a moonlight serenade**

_You’re eyes always shine, kid, but under the starlight they glow. The way you’re looking at me while I sing my heart’s love to you is taking my breath away. Jim…_

**Let us stray till break of day in love's valley of dreams  
Just you and I, a summer sky, a heavenly breeze kissin' the trees**

_Just you and I under the stars, Jim. I could sit here all night like this with you, feeling your palm against mine._

**So don't let me wait, come to me tenderly in the June night**   
**I stand at your gate and I sing you a song in the moonlight**   
**A love song, my darlin’, a moonlight serenade**

_I love you, James Tiberius Kirk. Sweet dreams, my sweet love._

_<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW8LlusQYzc> _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The version of Moonlight Serenade I chose was by Old Blue Eyes himself, Frank Sinatra. The words of this song make me cry every damn time I read them. Listening to the song is worse, ugly, ugly tears. Bones insisted we change “darling” to “darlin’.” The link is to Frank’s version of this song. I dare you not to tear up when you hear it!
> 
> Thanks to Chris’ version of Fly Me To The Moon, we know he can sing Sinatra. Can you imagine what this song would sound like in his voice? I am a melty pile of goo just thinking about that…
> 
> The picture of this in my mind is amazing. Our boys sitting together, hands clasped in the fake starlight and Bones singing in a deep bluesy voice, his own emotions barely restrained…There is something about this picture that takes my breath away!
> 
> Bones chose this song because it shows him ready to love again. He already had feelings for Jim, but he wasn’t ready until now to embrace them. It breaks my heart that he still doesn’t think he’s good enough for Jim, but what I love is that he’s willing to wait for him. He could have gone home with Mark, but he doesn’t because as he says, he’s there with someone, even if the someone doesn’t know it yet! 
> 
> I have borrowed The Purple Squirrel from Corrie 71, its Jim and Bones’ favorite bar in all of her Academy Era stories.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a week before Jim's birthday and a call from Winona has him on edge.

“Sure, Mom. Yeah, it’s good to talk to you.”

It had been a bitch of a day. A full moon shone over San Francisco and Bones had a front row seat in the Emergency Room at Starfleet Medical. He just wanted a drink, a shower and his bed. Bones could hear Jim’s voice as the door swished open to their dorm. It didn’t take Bones long to recognize the defeated tone in Jim’s voice.   _Thank fuck we have a full bottle of Makers Mark, Jim’s gonna need it after this…_ There was only one person who could turn Jim from his usually overbearingly confident self into the beaten down Jim he could hear from the living room. Winona Kirk.

“Okay, love you too. Bye.” Jim sighed loudly.

Bones hated the quiet tone of Jim’s voice. “You okay, Jim?” Bones asked as he peeked into their bedroom. Jim was sitting on Bones’ bed, his back against the headboard, hugging his pillow against his chest. _Fuck, he looks so lost. Wonder what the cold-hearted bitch wanted this time?_

“She called to say Happy Birthday.” Jim peeked up at Bones over his pillow, his blue eyes drowning in unshed tears.

“Your birthday isn’t until next week. I know that because the Hello Kitty bed sheets I ordered for you haven’t been delivered yet.”

Jim snorted, “Asshole.”

Bones threw himself on the bed next to Jim and started laughing with his friend. This was fine for the moment, but Bones knew the crash was coming, it always came after Jim spoke with Winona. The last time had been a week before Christmas and it took days for Jim to come back to himself.  

_I don’t want the answer to this question, I don’t want to ask…I have to know. Fuck it._ “Why does she call a week early, Jim? She did it at Christmas too.”

“It’s just easier for her.” Jim scoffed. He hated that his mother did this to him. Hated that she called at all. He would rather be forgotten about than deal with his mother’s grief over the day of his birth. “You know, it’s too much for her to talk to me on my actual birthday. I sound so much like him…”

Jim trailed off, not wanting to tell Bones anymore about his screwed up family, but at the same time wanting to tell him everything. He’d never felt like he could tell someone about his life until he met Bones.  Jim let go of the pillow in favor of Bones. He rested his head against Bones’ shoulder and brushed his fingers against Bones’ hand.

Bones threaded their fingers together. It took all the strength he had not to lift his arm up and put it around Jim. He wasn’t sure where he found the strength to resist.  _If you only knew how much I want to hold you. To feel your head resting on my chest, your hand over my heart. How badly I want to comfort you, rock you in my arms until you feel whole again. Oh, Jim._ Jim nestled a little closer to Bones, throwing one leg on top of Bones’. “Did she ever tell you stories about your father? Not the one about the way he died, but stories about the way he lived?”

Jim shivered against Bones. No one ever asked about George Kirk, father. People only wanted to know about George Kirk, hero. Leave it to Bones to be the only person to want to know about the other moments in his father’s short life.

Bones felt Jim shiver and shift closer. He untangled their hands and pulled his arm back to wrap around Jim, who clumped onto Bones like an octopus. His head rested on Bones’ shoulder and he curled himself as close to Bones’ side as he could get without wearing Bones’ clothes too. His right hand rested palm flat against Bones’ heart. He held his peace, waiting for Jim to get comfortable, knowing he would answer the question in his own good time.

“It was my tenth birthday and I was so excited because my mother was actually dirtside. It was the first birthday I can actually remember her being there to celebrate with me.” All of his other birthdays had been spent with his Grandpa Tiberius who had loved sharing stories about his son.

_Fuck her and the horse she rode in on._ Bones had no use for parents who held that title in name only. Parent was a verb in the McCoy household, something that was as deeply ingrained into him as his famous Southern manners. The fact that Winona couldn’t put aside her selfish grief to care for George Kirk’s son was unforgivable. He prayed he’d never meet her face to face as he’d give her a dressing down she’d not soon forget. Bones tightened his grip around Jim’s shoulders and raised his hand to stroke the side of Jim’s face. _I’ve got you, Jimmy. I’m here, I won’t let you down, won’t let you go._

Jim nestled closer to Bones, loving the way it felt to be stroked and petted. “Anyway, she asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told her I wanted her to tell me about my father. She got this funny look on her face and I knew I was sunk. You know that look when you’re so lost in memories you forget where you are? Bones nodded against Jim’s head. “Usually that lost look is chased away by tears, but this time she smiled. She actually smiled _at_ me, Bones. She never smiled at me before…”

Bones could tell Jim was wearing the look he’d just described Winona as having, that lost in thought look. _I swear to GOD and all the saints in heaven I will not be held responsible for my actions if I ever meet this piece of work in person. Never smiled at her son. Fuck, if I had a credit chip for every time I smiled at Jim, I could buy Orion._ Bones kept stroking Jim’s face and tried desperately to keep his body loose. He didn’t want Jim to feel the anger he was feeling toward Winona. “What happened after she smiled, Jim?”

“She told me that he used to talk to me. You know he’d talk to her belly.  Baby Belly Bedtime, he’d called it. He wanted to be surprised when I was born, so they didn’t know I was a boy and didn’t have a name picked out for me. He’d tap or rub her belly until he’d feel me kick back against his hand, that way he knew I was listening.” Jim huffed out a laugh.

Bones’ heart was broken. He could feel tears coursing down his cheeks, knew some of them were washing into the sunshine of Jim’s hair. This was such a sweet memory, he could see George in his mind’s eye knocking on his wife’s tummy and calling out “Knock, knock” to his precious baby. He tried to take a calming deep breath, but his breath hitched even though he willed himself to stay calm. _You should have had more, kid. You should have had a lifetime of memories together._ “What did he talk to you about?”

“Normal father-son things like warp core physics and the thermodynamics of Federation style spaceships.”

Bones laughed out loud. Jim Kirk, warp core genius had gotten his beautiful engineering mind from his father. He reached his free hand out to Jim’s side, wanting desperately to hear Jim’s laugh fill their dorm room. _Laugh with me, Jim. Don’t be like her, let memories of your father fill your soul with joy._

Jim felt a giggle bubble up from the depths of his being and rather than stifle it, he let it go, loving the way his laugh melded with Bones’. He laughed long and hard, finally feeling free to do so after so many years of keeping his feelings about his father to himself. He’d never understood why good memories of George could be a source pain and now listening to Bones laugh at the ridiculous antics of his father reinforced his belief that he’d been right all along, that his mother’s never-ending grief over the loss of her husband was wrong. He should be celebrated, his memory cherished, just like Grandpa Tiberius had done all those years ago.

_That’s it Jim, let it all out. I’m betting you’re gonna let the next week early call from your mother go straight to voicemail. Good for you, darlin’._ As happy as this moment was for Jim, Bones knew the crash was coming. He’d be right here to catch Jim when it happened. Bones felt Jim’s breath hitch as his fit of the giggles subsided.

Jim took a shuddering breath and waited for the tears to come. They didn’t. He realized how at ease he felt in Bones’ embrace. How wonderful Bones’ fingers felt trailing down the side of his face. He knew his secrets were safe in Bones’ hands. Not only were his secrets safe, he was safe. “Sing to me, Bones.” Jim whispered.

Bones was surprised at how strong Jim’s voice sounded. Maybe telling the story of his father had made him feel stronger.  _Maybe him telling ME made him feel stronger. Thank you so much Jim for trusting me with memories of your father. Thank you for letting me hold you._ Bones started to sing, low and slow.

**Blue moon  
You saw me standing alone**

_On that damned shuttle, flask in my pocket, with nothing left but my bones._   
**  
Without a dream in my heart**

_Didn’t have anything in my heart but a black hole, now I’ve got you, Jim._   
**  
Without a love of my own**

_WITH a love of my own, thank you very much. With a love of my own in my arms, holding on to me as tightly as I’m holding on to him._

**Blue moon  
You knew just what I was there for**

_I was there for you, kid. I needed a fresh start and there you were, beaten bloody and offering the only thing you had left; your friendship._   
  
**You heard me saying a pray for**   
**Someone I really could care for**

_I thought my prayin’ days were long past me. Thank you, God, thank you for my Jim._

**Without a love of my own**

“Again, Bones. Sing it again. Keep singing, don’t stop.” Jim’s voice was sweet and low in Bones’ ear.

Bones kissed the top of Jim’s head. “Sure, Jim.” _I could sing this song for a lifetime so long as you were in my arms and I was in your heart._

**Blue moon**   
**You saw me standing alone**   
**Without a dream in my heart**   
**Without a love of my own**

**And then there suddenly appeared before me**   
**The only one my arms will ever hold**   
**I heard somebody whisper, "Please adore me"**   
**And when I looked the moon had turned to gold**

**Blue moon**   
**Now I'm no longer alone**   
**Without a dream in my heart**   
**Without a love of my own**

**Blue moon**   
**You saw me standing alone**   
**Without a dream in my heart**   
**Without a love of my own**

**<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfAHBVMguDQ> **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The comments in parenthesis are from the lovely Corrie71.
> 
> The version of this song I used was Dean Martin’s. This was another song suggested by Corrie71 and I fought hard against it because all I could hear in my head was the 1950’s Doo-Wop version. It’s awful and it’s an earworm. An awful, ugly earworm. Listen to Dino, trust me, he’s amazing. (FWIW, Rod Stewart also did a great cover of this.) I was weepy re-reading this chapter before posting it, but listening to the song tipped me over the edge. The line about the [medical] blue moon turning to [command] gold, hits me right in the McKirk feels! 
> 
> Bones singing this song hits me right in the feels. He is stronger and so much more confident in himself. He knows he loves Jim and he knows what he has to offer.
> 
> What did you think of my version of George Kirk? I love Chris Hemsworth, he has a smile that’s as big as the sun. He would have been over the moon about this baby and doing everything he could to feel close to baby Kirk before his or her arrival. (I absolutely believe this). 
> 
> Jim telling this story emotionally compromised me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim is getting ready to depart on his ten week mission aboard the USS Farragut.

It was the night before Jim was scheduled to leave on his ten week mission aboard the USS Farragut. _Ten weeks, what in the name of mint juleps am I gonna do without the sound of his voice for ten weeks?_ Bones reached for his secret bottle of Evan Williams hidden in his box of winter sweaters which he was still wearing even now that it was spring.

“Spring, my ass.” He muttered as he pulled the box out from under his bunk. The now empty bottle was nestled in with his sweaters, a rolled note sticking out of the top of the bottle. _And now he dies…Who does that little bastard think he is? Pawin’ through my stuff like it’s his. This bottle is the only thing I walked away from Georgia with, well beside my bones._ His flask had been filled from this bottle the day he had met Jim Kirk, resident bourbon thief, on the shuttle ride from Iowa to California and now it was empty, but for the note.

Bones pulled the note from the neck of the bottle. _Who the hell wrote notes nowadays?_  The frown and black mood slowly faded away as he read the note:

_Sorry, I needed a little toddle,_   
_So I’m leaving you a message in a bottle._   
_I recognize the taste from the day we met,_   
_For being my friend, I’m forever in your debt._   
_I’ll bring you a new bottle tonight,_   
_We’ll drink it together by fake starlight._   
_I know drinking the end of this bottle was wrong,_   
_Maybe you’ll forgive me and sing me a song._

The note was signed from the worst roommate in the galaxy. Bones burst out laughing.

 

“Booooones?” Jim called out as he came through the dorm door.  He didn’t see his roommate in the living room or kitchen. He dumped bags of food and booze on the counter and he strode into the bedroom. He saw the empty bottle of Evan Williams on the bedside table. “Do I know my Bones, or do I know my Bones?” He asked the empty room.

Jim noticed the bathroom door was closed and stepped closer to it. He smiled as he heard Bones’ sweet, low baritone voice muffled by the sound of pounding water in the shower. He went back into the kitchen and grabbed the new bottle of bourbon he’d bought Bones. He had no idea how expensive the bottle would be, but that didn’t stop him from forking over the credits to buy it either. He scribbled out a quick note, attached it to the bottle and nestled it inside Bones’ sweater box under his bed.

He could still hear Bones’ singing as the water shut off in the bathroom. Jim knocked on the door. “Bones?”

“Yeah, Jim?” _Fuck, wonder how long he stood at the door listening to me sing?_

“Brought home dim sum and beer if you’re hungry.”

“Starved, actually. You get any of those spring rolls I like?”

“Of course I did, Bones, I’m not a caveman. I also got extra ginger-teriyaki sauce because you practically drink it.” Jim smiled when he heard Bones laugh. “You got five minutes to finish up or I can’t be held responsible for how many spring rolls are left.”

“Asshole!” Bones yelled.

 

Not only had Jim gotten dim sum and spring rolls, he also brought home a box of canoli from Bones’ favorite Italian bakery on 7th Street. _He’s leaving in the morning for ten weeks on a starship in deep space and he bought all of MY favorites? Maybe this is his way of saying he’ll miss me nearly as much as I’ll miss him, but still…_ “Thanks, Jim, this was a great farewell dinner, it almost feels like I’m the one leaving instead of you.”

Jim popped the tops on two more bottles of beer and handed one to Bones, keeping the other one for himself. Jim offered a sad smile and tipped his bottleneck to clink against Bones’. “To you, Bones.”

“Back at’cha, Jim.” Bones hadn’t missed the sad smile on Jim’s face. _What the fuck? The only thing he’s ever cared more about than his oversexed dick is sailing the black, why on earth, pun intended, would he be sad about leaving? Maybe he doesn’t want to leave me? That’s one hell of a fantasy but think again McCoy…_

 

Jim had always been a last minute packer and this trip would be no exception. Jim opened the laundry hamper to start a reluctant load of laundry, only to find the hamper empty. “Booooones, where are all of my clothes, can’t board the Farragut naked.”

_Like that would stop you from trying…_

“I know you don’t want me to go, but hiding my clothes is just plain wrong.” Leaving Bones behind had been weighing heavy on his mind, his heart, if he were really being honest with himself. He didn’t like the idea of walking away from his best friend. What if the roles were reversed? Jim surprised himself by taking a walk in Bones’ shoes. Even though Bones wasn’t scheduled to be aboard the Farragut, Jim still wondered if Bones felt like Jim was abandoning him to live his dream. It was then he decided at trip to Wo Fang’s, the liquor store and the Italian bakery were in order.

“Your clothes are in the dryer, infant. “ _You’re right, I don’t want you to go. If I actually thought hiding your clothes would keep you here with me instead of being a space cowboy up in the black, I’d find the deepest, darkest black hole and dump your clothes in a heartbeat._

“You did my laundry, Bones?” Jim smirked. After living together for all this time, of course Bones knew about Jim’s tendency to be a last minute Charlie. Jim felt warm all over at Bones’ thoughtfulness.

“Yeah and you’ll never guess what I found in there.”

“I can explain the candy wrappers…”

“Not the candy wrappers, if you want to give yourself diabetes, that’s on your own fool head.”

Jim snorted. It must be a special night if Bones wasn’t lecturing him on the merits of a healthy, well-balanced diet.

“I found my Ole Miss shirt, does that ring a bell, Jim?”

Jim’s mouth opened and closed like a beached fish.

“You know the one I’ve had since med school, my good luck charm, the one that’s been missing for two months?”  _Little bastard had it all along, can’t wait to see him try to wiggle his way out of this one…_

Jim looked down at his feet for a few moments then up at Bones. “I thought since it was your lucky charm, it might be mine too. So I wore it when I took the Maru…” Jim trailed off and looked back down at his shoes.

 _Leonard Horatio McCoy, first class asshole…_  Bones walked to his wardrobe and yanked open the door. He fished his precious shirt out from its hiding place in the arm of one of his dress uniforms and walked to Jim. He reached Jim and placed the shirt in his capable hands folding his own on top of the pile. “Be safe up there, Jim.”  _Come back to me. I won’t make it without you. Maybe I should tell him that, maybe I should tell him I love-_

Jim’s smile could have lit up a black hole. “I’ll keep it safe for you, Bones. Thank you.”

 

Working together, Jim was quickly all packed and ready to go. Bones stacked the last of his cases next to the door and turned back to see Jim frowning.  “Why so glum, Jim? You’ll be living your wildest dream tomorrow.” _…and my worst nightmare._

“I don’t know, Bones.” Jim didn’t know. He had worked his ass off taking an accelerated course schedule to qualify to fly this mission and now mere hours before he was scheduled to depart for deep space there was something wrong, something he couldn’t quite identify. Something he wasn’t sure he was ready to identify. All he knew for certain is that Bones was right, he would be living his dream, but without his best friend at his side.  “What are you going to do without me for ten weeks?” Jim plastered on a bright smile and prayed he could pull it off without Bones seeing right through him.

Jim’s fake smile didn’t fool Bones for a second, but he didn’t want to waste what precious little time they had left struggling through a conversation Jim wasn’t willing to have. “Oh you mean aside from living the easy, swinging bachelor’s lifestyle I was meant to have in my own _single_ room?”

“That’s harsh, Bones.” Jim shuddered at the thought of Bones being a swinging bachelor while he was millions of light years away. “What are you really gonna do without me?”

 _Miss you, drink, jack off, study, read, miss you like crazy, sleep in your bed because it will still smell like you, wear your Riverside Raiders tee shirt that I stole from your laundry, miss you…_ Bones laughed. It was either that or cry. He had a vision in his mind’s eye of him latched on to Jim’s legs like a toddler begging him not to go, not to leave him alone. “Catch up on medical journals and work on that new vaccine I’ve been developing for Rigilian Mumps.” _Then I’ll miss you some more and fall asleep clutching your pillow._

Jim yawned, “Don’t work too hard, Bones try to have a little fun while I’m gone, okay?”

Bones nodded. He didn’t trust himself to speak. He could feel tears pricking the back of his eyes and he’d be damned if he was going to ruin this night or send Jim off feeling sorry for him. It was his own fault he really hadn’t made many other friends besides Jim, however it was Jim’s fault that he never wanted to spend any of his free time with them. _I’ll always choose you, Jimmy. Always…_   “Gettin’ late, you about ready for bed?”

Jim nodded reluctantly. If he had his way, he’d stay up all night with Bones. He’d even be willing to watch those boring medical documentaries Bones loved if it meant they would be sitting shoulder to shoulder on the couch together.

“Where’s the furthest point in space you’re going, Jim, if you can tell me?”

“Tycho IV, Bones, but don’t let that get around, okay?”

Bones nodded. He had no intention of telling anyone but the computer. He called for the Star Field Generator program to display the constellations over Tycho IV. The computer beeped and the room darkened displaying the stars on the walls and ceiling.

Jim crawled into his own bunk as Bones stalked off to the bathroom. He wanted nothing more that Bones snuggled up next to him in his narrow bed, his sweet, low voice singing songs about the stars that floated overhead.  Bones stepped out of the bathroom with the harsh fluorescent glare of the light casting his face in shadow.  “It’s our last night together.” Jim whispered. “Sing to me, Bones.” He lifted the covers back in a silent invitation for Bones to join him in his bunk.

Bones ordered off the light and was glad Jim wouldn’t be able to see the look in his eyes. He bit his tongue to keep the tears gathering in his eyes from falling. “Sure, Jim.” _How am I gonna get through this without bawling like a baby? Worse, how am I gonna get through this without saying something stupid like…_ He slid into bed next to Jim not quite sure how to arrange himself. Should he sit up against the headboard or lie flat on the mattress next to Jim? Jim solved the mystery by pulling Bones onto his pillow and resting his head on Bones’ shoulder. Bones stayed still for a moment to memorize the way Jim felt against him. He could feel Jim’s warm breath on his neck and the slow slide of Jim’s leg against his own and finally felt Jim’s fingers brush against his own. Bones threaded their fingers together. Now all he needed was the perfect song to sing Jim off on his bon voyage.

**Stars shining bright above you**   
_Above us darlin’._   
  
**Night breezes seem to whisper, I love you**   
_I love you James T. Kirk…to Tycho IV and back again._   
  
**Birds singin' in the sycamore tree**   
**Dream a little dream of me**   
_I’ll be dreaming of you every night you’re gone._

**Say nighty-night and kiss me  
** _Just a little one, just a little something for me to hold on too while you’re gone, please Jimmy. Kiss me…_

He felt Jim lift his head and press a kiss to his jaw. It was as if Jim had read his mind, he didn’t hesitate to kiss back into the bright sunshine of Jim’s hair.  
 **  
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me  
** Bones felt Jim holder him that much tighter before he whispered. “I’ll miss you every day.”  
  
“Me too, Jimmy.” _If only I dared to tell you how much._  
  
 **While I'm alone and blue as can be**  
 _I can make it through being alone so long as I know you’re coming home to me._  
  
 **Dream a little dream of me**

 **Stars fading but I linger on dear**  
 **Still craving your kiss**  
Bones stopped singing, wanting nothing more than to lean down and kiss Jim. To let all of the feelings in his heart flow between them as Bones pressed his lips to Jim’s.

Jim looked up at Bones and they stared at each other in the starlight. Jim lifted his head and Bones moved forward to meet him. He could see the stars reflecting in Jim’s eyes, Bones almost thought he saw longing and maybe something else he dared not name in Jim’s glittery orbs. Bones almost groaned out loud when the tip of Jim’s tongue glided along his bottom lip. Bones couldn’t help wondering what it would feel like to brush his tongue against Jim’s. Their lips were scant inches from touching when Bones lost his nerve and instead kept singing. He thought he felt Jim sigh as he laid his head back against Bones’ shoulder.  
  
 **I'm longin' to linger till dawn dear**  
 **Just saying this**  
 _I love you, Jim._

**Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you**   
  
_I’m willing to live in the shadow so long as you’re my sun._   
  
**Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you**   
  
_Be happy in the black, live your dream, Jim, just come back to me, safe and sound._   
  
**But in your dreams whatever they be**   
  
_Me, me, me, me, me…_   
  
**Dream a little dream of me…**

It was the hardest thing Bones had ever done in his life as he pulled away from Jim intent on going back to his own bed where he knew he’d find no rest.

“Stay.” Jim whispered.

He stayed.

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzGVYyu9gsE>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m emotionally compromised. My heart literally pinches at the thought of Jim leaving. Blame Corrie71 for the almost-kiss, although I have to admit it really works here. Both boys seemed frustrated that it didn’t happen! 
> 
> The version of Dream A Little Dream is by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. Go listen to it. You’ll be bawling, I guarantee. Of course, I envision Bones singing it without the do-wopping…
> 
> I used TOS Jim Kirk’s mission aboard the Farragut here, that trip took the ship to Tycho IV and was a real turning point for that James T. Kirk. The Memory Alpha wiki for AOS Jim lists that he served aboard the Farragut for two academic quarters.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim comes home from his ten week trip aboard the USS Farragut.

_Just hurry the fuck up and give me my bags already, would ya pal?_ Jim was standing in the hangar where his shuttle from the Farragut had just landed. It was his first time back on solid earth in ten weeks. So many things had become clear to him while he had been away on this mission and he couldn’t wait to get home to Bones to tell him everything.

“Booooones? I’m back!” Jim yelled as the dorm door wooshed open before him. The dorm looked much like it did the morning that he left, but for one very large, Bones-shaped exception. His roommate was nowhere to be found. Jim dropped his bags by the door and headed for their bedroom, stopping short near the refrigerator when he noticed the bedroom was dark.  _Fuck, he musta had a late night at the hospital and he’s in there sleeping. And here I am yelling like a fool. I hope I didn’t wake him._

Jim tip-toed the rest of the way to the bedroom door. He had to admit this wasn’t the kind of homecoming he had in mind. His thoughts, fantasies rather, involved a rather large hug, the kind of hug that lasted for days, weeks even. Maybe an entire lifetime if he was lucky.

Jim peered into the bedroom and was shocked by what he saw. The room was lit up by the Star Field Generator program and Jim would know those stars anywhere. It was the stars and moons surrounding Tycho IV. Jim was more shocked to notice both dorm beds were empty.  _Captain Energy must have left in a hurry if he forgot to turn the power off._

“Computer.” Jim called out to the empty room, the computer responded with a double beep. “How long has the Star Field program been running?”

“Seventy days, nine hours, twenty-seven minutes and eleven seconds.” The computer double beeped again to signal the end of its answer.

 _He left it on the entire time I was gone? Why Bones? Why would you do that?_  Jim shook his head to clear it. His mind suggested only one answer. There was only one reason why Bones would leave the star field set to Tycho IV and leave it running for the duration of his ten week trip.  _No way…I don’t believe Bones left the stars on for me, like leaving the porch light on for someone who’s gone… I can’t believe it, I won’t. It’s too fantastical to be real. But it is real. What if…? No, shut up, Kirk._

Jim moved through the empty room toward his bed and noticed and extra pillow and a set of flannel pants and a tee that weren’t his own.  _Was Bones having a sleepover while I was gone?_  Jim picked up the worn cotton shirt and held it up to his eyes. It was his Riverside Raiders shirt. He would know that shirt anywhere as it was the shirt he was wearing when he boarded the shuttle that brought him to Starfleet…and Bones. He hadn’t recognized it in the low light. Jim held the soft cotton up to his face and breathed deeply.  _Bones…_  His shirt smelled like Bones, that combination of sunshine and fresh soap plus that unique something that was all Bones. It seemed his roommate had been wearing his shirt while he was gone. He picked up the flannel pants noticing with a grin they were also his as well. “Guess that’s in retaliation for me stealing your Ole Miss shirt…”

Jim picked up the extra pillow on his bed and brought it to his nose, it smelled like Bones too. “Did you sleep in my bed the whole time I was gone?”  He turned and walked to Bones’ bed noticing how neat it was.  _I bet he got called into the hospital for an emergency and he thought he’d be back home before me._ Jim yawned. It was only 15:00 hours, but his body clock was all messed up from being up in the black.

 _Maybe I’ll just lie down for a bit before Bones gets back_. He quickly shucked out of his shipboard uniform with his command gold shirt that he did everything but sleep in lately. He dropped his shirt and pants onto his own bed in place of his own tee and sleep pants that Bones had been wearing in his absence. Jim grabbed his and Bones’ pillows from his bed and pulled back the covers of Bones’ bed, which he quickly guessed his roommate hadn’t slept in since two nights before he had left on the Farragut.

Jim settled into bed on his left side, tucking Bones’ pillow next to him, his face resting on it, mirroring the position they had slept in the night before Jim left. He smiled into Bones’ pillow as he got readjusted to the sounds and smell of his own room. It had been nothing like this onboard the Farragut.

Jim’s first nasty shock aboard the ship was to find out his roommate for the duration of the trip would be Gary Fucking Mitchell. His second nasty shock was that Gary liked sleeping in the nude. His third and final shock was Gary climbing into bed with Jim in the middle of that first night. Jim had woken to feel strange arms around him and a rough hand stroking through his hair. In his half awake state he shoved away hard and didn’t fully wake up until he heard a loud thud and the accompanying “What the actual fuck, Kirk?” from the vicinity of the floor. He spelled out in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t interested in sharing a bed or anything else for that matter with GFM. It took all of the strength Jim had not to push Gary into space through an airlock when the other man wondered out loud why Jim would prefer his alcoholic asshole doctor over him.

Jim hadn’t been able to fall back to sleep that first night. Instead, he laid staring up at the stars streaking past his small window wondering what Bones was doing back home as the sound of Bones’ voice singing _Dream A Little Dream_ floated through his mind. Jim’s mind cast back to the night before when he had lain in Bones’ arms. Bones had pulled Jim close when Jim had asked Bones to stay with him. He had tried so hard to stay awake, not wanting to miss a single moment with Bones. He had finally given in and fallen asleep with Bones’ heartbeat as his lullaby.

Jim smiled then snuggled deeper into Bones’ pillow and was soon asleep.

 

 

“Fuck, Jim.”  Bones sighed as he saw Jim’s luggage stacked near the door to their dorm. He hadn’t meant to be gone all day. He hadn’t meant to be gone at all. As Bones walked back to their bedroom he noticed the soft glow of the Star Field which had been his constant companion since Jim left. He wondered what Jim thought when he came into their room and saw that it was still on.

He noticed Jim’s bed was empty, but for the uniform left on the edge of the bed. He turned to his own bed and noticed a large Jim Kirk shaped lump. “Welcome home, darlin’.” He whispered into the quiet room.

“Bones, that you?” Jim murmured, pulling the pillow tighter against his chest.

“Hi Jim, didn’t mean to wake you up."

Jim sat up quickly, “You’re here, Bones. You’re home.” Jim smiled at his roommate.

“You’re here too, Jim. Home at last. How was the  voyage aboard the-” Bones didn’t get to finish the rest of his question as one hundred-eighty pounds of Jim Kirk barreled into his arms.

“Missed you.” Jim whispered as he pulled Bones flush against him.

“Missed you too, kid, welcome home.” Bones smiled against the sleep warmed skin of Jim’s neck.

“’S’not what you called me when you walked in.” Jim said. _I heard what you said, heard you call me darlin’. Say it again, Bones._

“What did I call you?” Bones asked. He still wasn’t willing to let Jim go and from the way Jim was holding on to him, it seemed Jim wasn’t ready yet either.

“You know what you called me, Bones.” Jim teased.  He felt Bones shake his head no. “That one little word with a southern twang.” _Missed you so damn much, you beautiful bastard._

“Ohhh, _that_ word.” He shivered in Jim’s arms when he felt Jim’s hand at the back of his neck.  “Welcome home darlin’.” Bones whispered, tightening his hold around Jim’s hips.

“It was quite a welcome, with the stars serving as a beacon to guide me home.” Jim took a deep breath. _It’s now or never…_ “To you.” Jim added quietly as he pulled back to see the reaction in Bones’ eyes.

Bones smiled and stared up at the stars. He had left them on to feel closer to Jim, but loved Jim’s idea that the stars were guiding Jim back home…to him.  All he could think about was moving a few inches forward to finally kiss Jim. He was just about to move in closer when he was caught off guard by a yawn. He had dreamed about this moment with Jim for months and now that it was here, all he wanted to do was fall into bed.  “Sorry, Jim.” Bones pulled out of his arms and moved toward the wardrobe, pulling out a fresh set of sleep pants and clean shirt. “Be right back.” Bones slipped into the bathroom to change.

Jim crawled back into Bones’ bed and waited for his best friend to finish changing. _Why the hell is he changing in the bathroom anyway? We always change in front of each other. I’ve seen him bare ass naked hundreds of times._  A bolt lighting shot through his body and his cock twitched at the thought of Bones’ tanned skin.

“So you’re sleeping in my bed now, Jim?” Bones drawled as he came out of the bathroom.

“Seems only fair Bones, since you were sleeping in mine.”

Bones dipped his head and stared at his bare feet. He heard Jim shift the covers. Jim wasn’t stupid, he would have figured out instantly why his bed was wrinkled and Bones’ bed freshly made.

“Come to bed, Bones.” Jim patted the mattress beside him.

“Sure, Jim. It’s been a long day.” He slid into bed beside Jim, letting out a tiny squeak when Jim pulled him to lie on his chest.

“Tell me about it.” Jim was carding his hand through Bones’ hair again and again as Bones moved around before he settled. _I had forgotten how soft his hair was._

“I had arranged for this day off weeks ago. I wanted to meet you at the hangar when your shuttle arrived, even asked one of the controllers to comm me when your shuttle was en route from the Farragut.”

Bones was going to meet him at the hangar? “What happened?”

“Massive pile up on the bridge. There was heavy fog this morning. Hospital needed all hands on deck.” It had broken his heart when his comm beeped and it was the hospital rather than Jim’s shuttle.

Jim pulled him closer. “I’m glad you were there to help the people who were hurt, Bones.”

“M’sorry I missed you.” Bones whispered.

“You didn’t miss me, I’m right here.”

“D’you want me to sing to you, Jimmy?”

“No Bones, thought maybe I’d sing to you this time.” Jim had spent so many sleepless nights in his bunk on the Farragut trying to come up with the perfect song to sing to Bones.  _Here goes nothing…_

 **Well, I know it's kinda late**  
**I hope I didn't wake you**  
**But what I got to say can't wait  
** **I know you'd understand**

**'Cause every time I tried to tell you**  
**The words just came out wrong**  
**So I'll have to say I love you in a song**

Crickets. So far as Jim could tell, Bones wasn’t even breathing.  Bones had been all Jim had thought about while he was gone. At first he figured it was just because they were best friends and roommates and Jim had been used to sharing everything with Bones. A week into the trip he had this strange ache in his chest he could never remember feeling before. He was about to get himself checked out in the medbay but remembered it wouldn’t be Bones there to treat him. He’d go to the medbay if it got any worse.  The pain had gotten worse the next week and worse still the week after that. Jim had been lying in bed watching the stars sail by when he realized what was wrong with him. He was in love with his best friend. The pain in his heart had lessened, replaced with cold fear. What if Bones wasn’t in love with him? What if he was? Jim had never been in a real relationship before and he didn’t know what scared him more, life with Bones or a life without him.

What was scaring him the most now was Bones’ continued silence. _It can’t get any worse, can it?_

**Yeah, I know it's kind of strange**  
**Every time I'm near you**  
**I just run out of things to say**  
**I know you'd understand**

**Every time I tried to tell you**  
**The words just came out wrong**  
**So I'll have to say I love you in a song**

Bones couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was Jim just singing any old song or did he mean every word the way Bones had meant every word when he’d sung to Jim. Only one way to find out, when Jim shakily started to sing the next line, Bones opened his mouth to join their voices together.

**Every time the time was right**  
**All the words just came out wrong**  
**So I'll have to say I love you in a song**

Jim was relieved when he heard Bones low voice join with his. “All those months Bones, you were telling me how you felt through the lyrics of the songs you sang.”

“So what if I was, Jim.” Bones tried to pull back and put some distance between he and Jim, but Jim wouldn’t let him go, instead twining their legs together and holding on tighter.

“I love you, Bones.”  _Checkmate…_

Bones opened his mouth and quickly closed it. He opened it again and looked at Jim with a question in his eyes.

Jim smiled encouragingly.

Bones closed his mouth and just stared at Jim. “You can’t.” He finally managed.

“I can and I do.” Jim smiled cheekily before adding, “So there.”

Bones burst out laughing.

“For how long, Jim?”

Dawning came into Jim’s eyes. He knew Bones was worried about his notorious reputation. “Forever, Bones. I’ve loved you since the shuttle. I just didn’t know that’s what I was feeling. My chest ached so much when I was on the Farragut, I almost went to medbay.”

Bones arched his eyebrow, “How did you know it wasn’t something more serious?”

“Pain got worse every time I missed you.” Jim leaned forward and brushed his lips against Bones’.  “The usual response is, ‘I love you too, Jim.’”

“Kiss me again.” Bones leaned in and brushed their lips together and gasped when he felt Jim’s tongue licking against the seam of his lips.

“Say it, Bones. Say you love me too.”

“You sure you don’t want me to sing it, Jimmy?”  He licked his tongue into Jim’s mouth and gasped as it brushed against Jim’s.

“Sing it, sign it, say it, write it across the sky.” Jim begged.

“I love you, always have, always will, darlin’.”

“Just remember I said it first.”

“Actually, Jimmy, you sang it first.”

 

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6Vn17S37_Y>

Thank you so much for reading this story. I’ve stopped writing McKirk fanfiction to focus on writing original MM fiction under the pen name Pandora Pine. If you’re interested in my books, you can check them out here: http://www.amazon.com/Pandora-Pine/e/B013BSSBX0/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1465949272&sr=8-2-ent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to thank redford for sending this idea my way!! This was a little idea in an email I got months ago and there was something so sweet about it. I am forever grateful for this gem, my friend!
> 
> Big, big thank yous to Corrie71 for being my musical muse on this one. Additional thank yous to GoWashTheLights for her continued support!
> 
> I don’t usually like to say this, to pick one of my “kids” above the others, but this is one of my all-time favorite McKirk stories that I’ve written. I love the music and the way the story took on a life of its own once I had chosen the songs. This was one of those stories that simply told itself. I’ve told the story before, but the title for this song just started playing in my head, which of course led me to I’ll Have To Say I Love You In A Song. This is my favorite Jim Croce song and I think it is SO Jim! It’s sweet and impulsive!
> 
> Jim calling Bones Captain Energy is in homage to John Kennex using that same nickname in Almost Human.
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
> 
> Thank you to all of you who have read and commented on this story. I couldn’t do this without all of you! Please feel free to check out Georgia On My Mind, my modern day McKirk AU and Challenge Accepted which is my maiden voyage on the USS McChekov! Leo and Pavel are darling together!!


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